Our Chosen Butterfly… Returns Home

Our Chosen Butterfly… Returns Home

“God pours life into death and death into life without a drop being spilled...” – Author Unknown

I didn’t really plan on starting out the New Year with tears in my eyes… But that’s life – we don’t always get a say.

The sad and funny truth is that I almost always end up smiling immediately after I cry because I know in my heart that Vivian would be upset with me for shedding so many tears on her behalf…

After all, she faced more hardship in her lifetime than just about anyone I’ve ever met – and she faced it all with a smile on her face and faith in her heart. So who am I to cry?

Vivian Rivera was many things to many people… A mother, daughter, sister, Tia and best friend… She was an accomplished song writer and artist and an advocate of change in her community as well as an activist who raised awareness on breast cancer, she herself being a survivor.

To me, she was the friend I needed during some dark days… and a genuine soul I found to be a comfort as I began to lose faith in humanity and God… She was my voice of reason.

I remember when I received a call from her after my controversial blog, “Someone Please Tell God To Punch Back In…” was published on this site. (You should go read her comment!) She not only schooled me on the blog page – she took the time to call me and spend an hour trying to help me restore my faith without beating me up for losing it in the first place. A rare gem of a soul to say the least…

She was recently featured in the White House / Black Market Campaign celebrating 25 Years & 25 Beautiful Women who were “Living Beyond Breast Cancer…” And I’d never seen her in such an astonishingly beautiful light. Her smile had a way of lighting the darkest path and in that regard she truly was a chosen butterfly.

I met Vivian on Facebook after reading something about her cancer survival and having enough mutual friends to feel as though I knew her.

The first time we spoke on the phone we spent almost an hour speaking about all the things we had in common, the mutual friends, the volunteer work at the Children’s Aid Society’s Next Generation Center, our interest in helping raise awareness about baby Sophia Lopez’s battle with HLH, a rare blood disorder, in hopes of helping her find a suitable bone marrow donor.

We’d been crossing paths and missing each other at the same time – yet here we were becoming fast friends’ even as perfect strangers…

When Vivian found out that Urban Latino Radio was going to be marching in the Puerto Rican Day Parade for Baby Sophia, she told me she’d be honored to march with us – though she didn’t know how she’d do as she was still getting her wind back.

And the morning of the parade was the first time we actually met in person, yet I felt as if I’d known her for most of my lifetime.

I recall her and I getting out of a cab to see ten Latin Kings kneeled and cuffed – it was our welcome to the Parade route along 5th Avenue. And things got even more interesting when we were disrespected by an officer wearing a lot layers on his badge.

It wasn’t that he was saying we couldn’t enter our own staging area that bothered me – it was the way he was speaking down to us disrespectfully that set me off… “Listen you have no right to disrespect us on OUR DAY… It’s Puerto Rican Day… Speak to me with some respect.”

As the argument grew heated a large African American officer approached and my immediate thoughts were, “I’m about to be kneeling next to these Latin Kings… beaten and cuffed… I wonder what Vivian is going to think of me now…”

The officer actually proceeded to walk Vivian and me away from the disrespectful brass and apologized to us. And when I turned to apologize to Vivian she said, “He was in the wrong… You don’t owe me an apology” And I fell in love with her character on the spot.

Towards the end of the parade I could tell she was starting to have trouble with the walk and I handed the banner off to Kidd Boombox, who Vivian had spent ample time comforting about his mother who was also battling cancer, and began to walk Vivian off to the side…

The owner of Urban Latino Radio, Alex, caught us sneaking away and pulled us back – he had no idea what was going on with Vivian… And as we began to march again I said, “We don’t have to finish… Let’s disappear on the next block…”

She simply said, “No, I can make it…” and she did… we did… in honor of Baby Sophia’s own battle.

We laughed about Alex catching us on the ride home… But that’s the way it was meant to be… There would’ve been no better ending and she confessed to me days later that the walk really took a toll on her… But that’s what made her special – the fight to fight for others!

Here come my tears again…

Vivian was not only someone I came to consider a dear friend in such a short period of time… She was one of my biggest supporters…

On one of my blogs she wrote, “I’m very proud and honored to have you as my friend! You are the epitome of strength and leadership with a relentless drive to save our youth from destruction delivering hope and uplifting spirits along the way. YOU ARE truly blessed. If ever in doubt “He” (God) lives in you I know this for sure… Thank you for your wonderful blogs and being our voice. (at least mine).”

I’ve never been a fan of saying goodbye Vivian… So I’ll just let you know that I’ll remain a small piece of that voice you wanted me to be while carrying you in my heart and in my thoughts for all of my days…

I don’t want to make you any promises that I can’t keep… So I can’t promise you that I won’t cry for you… because I miss you already…

But I will promise you that I will smile every time I’m done crying… remembering that people like you exist in this world and that my faith in humanity was jump-started the very moment that I met you… and will remain intact as you now watch over us all…

Our newest angel… Our Chosen Butterfly… We Love You!

In Loving Memory of Vivian Rivera…

Ivan Sanchez is the author of Next Stop: Growing up Wild-Style in the Bronx (Touchstone – Simon & Schuster, 2008). The book is the first memoir released by a major publishing house written by a Puerto Rican from the Bronx. Sanchez is also the co-author of It’s Just Begun: The Epic Journey of DJ Disco Wiz, Hip Hop’s First Latino DJ (powerHouse, 2009). He was awarded the National Novel honors for his first fiction offering and is currently working on several new books about NY Latinos.